Fireproofing Your Relationship With Your Spouse

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TRANSCRIPT:

[00:00:00] Brent Harding: Welcome to our Firefighter Support podcast. Today we have the prime example of a firefighter couple. So, obviously I know you guys for, I've known you guys for a little bit, but why don't you start off with a little introduction to you guys. Nate, maybe you can start just a little bit about your career and a little bit of the resume and Yeah.

And then. Kolette, you can correct him anytime he messes up on that.

[00:00:25] Nate Thompson: Yeah. So I'm Nate Thompson. I currently work at Logan Fire Department functioning in the as an assistant chief in operations. I got my start in Logan in 2003, and then before that I got into the fire service as a volunteer in Smithfield in 1995.

So 28 years in the fire service, eight of those is a volunteer. And it really, the entire time also had a small business that I've ran. A lot of people like to joke about it and have, we have a lot of fun with it, but it's been a good little business that I actually worked in there full-time prior to becoming a firefighter, which I think is.

We'll play some relevance I think today and maybe some of our discussion on the balance, right? Sure. We're gonna talk about balance. So, you know, Klut and I though, I mean, that's just a brief, you know, really brief intro, you know, professionally. But I think if we're talking about relationships today CLT and I met in what, 88, Mike?

Something like that. 19 88, 19 89, somewhere right around there. We dated on and off, ended up here in Cache Valley, got married in 91 and we've been here ever since. So that's going on 32 years of bliss, we'll call that. Yeah. Oh yeah. Every day is of course, is a new adventure, so, yeah. 32 years.

[00:01:51] Brent Harding: That's awesome. Yeah. So you know, a lot of guys are already in the fire service when they meet their spouse, and so Yeah, as they're dating and stuff, the spouse is already well aware of, but this happened afterwards, right? So tell us a little bit about that, Colette, and maybe just how that decision happened and kind of what your thoughts were at the very beginning when he's like, you know, I think I want to try this.

[00:02:12] Kolette Thompson: I'm trying to even remember what you did before. He, well, he worked at sprint Print is what it was called then. And he, we lived in Smithfield where there was a volunteer department just down the road and. I think he's always wanted to be a fireman and he's like, Hey, I think I might try that.

And I was like, go for it. I wanted him to do it. So Cuz what's sexier than a fireman? Oh

[00:02:36] Nate Thompson: yeah. Nothing. Totally. See, she's being super nice because at Utah State, I changed my major like eight times probably. And if I would've known there was a route to being a firefighter at one point, it was a firefighter or a pilot or whatever, you know, you're going through all those deals.

But once we, once I graduated from school and realized the volunteer fire department was across the street, which we realized back then they used the air raid siren. Okay. That was my first introduction to being a volunteer fireman in Smithfield Colette. And I thought either there was an earthquake or a raid or a war, we had no idea, you know, such a thing.

Occurred in small towns, but back then they still used the siren for, to notify the volunteer firemen. So we could probably say that coupled when I was a young boy, you know, watching back then the garbage men rode on the back of the truck. So when I was a little boy, it was always a garbage man or a fireman.

Cuz back then they tail boarded. Yeah. Right back when I grew up. So the dream was always there. I'm not, I wasn't really sure how to get there through college, but yeah, Smithfield Smithfield's Air Raid Siren was my my ticket. Yeah, that was it. Yep. That's awesome. And that was 19 94, 95 probably.

Yeah. That's

[00:03:53] Brent Harding: pretty cool. Did you guys have any other firefighter couples that. We were able to kind of give you some heads up on what was gonna happen, or did you guys just fully jump in, had no idea what you were getting into? No,

[00:04:05] Kolette Thompson: we knew nothing really. I no. Nope.

[00:04:09] Nate Thompson: No. And volunteerism, as you know, you were North Logan volunteer.

I mean, it takes a lot of time. They'll, it'll take from you whatever you're willing to give it. Clut and I joked when I first got on with Logan, she couldn't understand that there was actually a set schedule when I would work, because as a volunteer, Every time

you'd

[00:04:26] Kolette Thompson: be like, I was there all the time.

He's like, the time we can't go too far for dinner because I could be paged out. So yeah, that would make me crazy. But it

[00:04:33] Nate Thompson: was a big deal, you know? Yeah. Big deal. You don't wanna miss anything. Plus I was kitty corner from the station. I could catch most of the fires, right? Like I was always right there.

First, you know, first on the engine, usually at least the first three or four, so, but we really didn't you know, I had some fun friends back then. I mean, I knew Frank Keepers in high school, so I got to reconnect with Frank. I think most people have been the fire service in the Valley for 20 plus.

Knows, knows Frank Keepers. So we had a lot of fun together. You know, Corey Wiley, of course Jay, you know, Jay brought me in and Dennis Wood, couple of the, kind of the core players back then. Zahi. You know, those guys were all really good friends to me. You know, they brought us into

[00:05:15] Kolette Thompson: the, but didn't know the group beforehand.

No. Did not know them before. Just from the neighborhood. Yeah,

[00:05:20] Nate Thompson: yeah. Probably the only friend that I really knew, like really close was Mike Peterson, who was an North Park police officer and then went on to be a sheriff. And of course, the. The police chief, I think up in Preston for a little while, but I think Mike's retired now, but back then that, that was my connection.

You know, he was an E M T. We went to m t school together and had a great time cuz back then they trained as EMTs as well. But that was the closest I had to really, you know, know anybody. Yeah.

[00:05:46] Brent Harding: Actually, so you guys were true pioneers, you know, kind of figuring this out as you go along. What were some of the things that kind of maybe surprised you the most, Colette, as the further you guys got into the firefighting?

Even from the volunteer, but it's just, cause at the beginning it's like, maybe, yeah, that sounds cool. If that's what you wanna do, great. But the more you got into it, what were some of the things maybe you didn't expect to come along with? The job.

[00:06:11] Kolette Thompson: You know, at first you, you're thinking it's volunteer, so it's, oh, how much time could it be?

But it was a lot of time and a lot of training. But, you know, watching Nate and I could see like, I don't know, I was like, he was proud. He was loving it. It made him happy. So it made me happy. I don't know, I probably time cuz I think. You think, oh, this is great. Clock in, clock out. But it's not that he was always on call and that always wore that damn pager.

[00:06:39] Nate Thompson: The pager? Yes. That's the coolest part. The badge, the pager. The badge. The pager. Yep. You always had the pager back

[00:06:45] Kolette Thompson: then when he got on Logan, I was like, oh, thank heavens we're done with that pager.

[00:06:50] Nate Thompson: She endured that. It was eight years actually. Yep, eight years. There's the volunteer side of things. That's crazy. Yeah, it was good times. A lot of good memories, lot of lessons learned lot of, a lot of lessons learned. I feel like you know, I mean, you look now, even where we're at right now with this podcast and the things we talk about, but some of the experiences back then when you don't have any, you don't have any you know, resiliency tools or you're figuring out, you know, I mean, it's amazing the things you remember.

From being a volunteer, you know, those are probably, I'm gonna speak for myself. Probably the most damage done were some of those real traumatic calls back when you're, you have no skills really at all on what, how to deal with this stuff that we deal with now. And so it was a really awesome time.

But in some ways, you know, a little bit of a, you know, you pay the price a little bit on what you learn from some of the trauma you endure as a. As a volunteer, and it really gave me some good perspective in moving forward as we mo have we, as we moved, you know, 25 years later on where we needed to take our mental wellness right.

For our people. Right. I think a lot of people would share that same thing, that some of their damage done was as a volunteer, no question. Or early on in their careers, right? Yeah.

[00:08:07] Brent Harding: Yeah. I think One of the things that surprised me the most even just three years ago when I started with Logan full-time, the difference between being volunteer and full-time was, it was just so strange for me to go on a, like a traumatic call and you start at home with your kids, you go to the traumatic call, and then when you're done, you go back home around the kitchen table with your kids.

That's right. And to be That's right. You know, you go on a call, like a kid call or something that was just. Weird and I didn't appreciate how hard that was until I got to Logan and it was so nice to go on a tough call, but it all stayed at the station. We ran from the station, we came back, we processed it as a crew.

Kind of kept so that by the time I got home it was like I've already had a good night's sleep or Right. You know, hopefully I had a good night's sleep, but at least was able to have that initial couple hours after the call. With the crew, that made a big difference for me. Yeah. But as a volunteer, I agree.

It was, I think, and you know, and it's harder to recognize it maybe in the moment, but definitely looking back, yeah. I think, yeah, definitely the most damage was done because he just didn't know what to do.

[00:09:12] Kolette Thompson: Yeah. And you get home well, and Nate was like doing his sprint print job and so it was trying to balance that too.

And then, yeah, it was. Hard to turn it on. Turn it off. I agree. But we didn't have any kids. We had our first in 96. Thank you. 96 and then our second in 98, so we, it was probably more the tail end. I don't know. We'd been in a little while before we had the kids, so. Yeah.

[00:09:38] Brent Harding: Yeah. Yeah. You know, and speaking of sprint print, so amongst the top careers that are hardest on marriage, like in the top five are first responders and entrepreneurs, and you guys decided, you know what, let's take two of those.

[00:09:50] Nate Thompson: Let's do, I'll take two. Yeah. Let's do both of these. Yeah. Well, and early on with sprint print, you know, it was a new company and it was up, you know, we were growing quickly. It required a lot of work hours, you know, as you know. Lot of hours. And so to ask, you know, Colette to share now with the shop, and then, hey, I'm gonna, I'm gonna be a volunteer fireman too, and hang out with the boys a couple nights a week.

And oh, by the way, there's gonna be three or four days of training after, you know, it was a lot. It was big, but you know, It was you know, I just like, like Colette said, you know, she could, I mean, it was very fulfilling to me. Right. It was very fulfilling and gratifying work. You felt like you were making a difference, maybe, or at least trying to make the difference, right.

And growing new skills and like, man, I, you know, I might be able to, you know, to actually do this. And then you start bumping into, you know, some of your, you know, like idols back then, you know, the para, the paramedic gods, I called them, you know, the Edsons had come out into Smithfield and, you know, and. Kraner would come out and you know, these guys would come out and you're just like, oh my gosh, you know, these guys are amazing, you know, and teach your classes on how to start IVs and medications.

And then you know, once I started meeting some of the full-timers, the guys that did it just really made a big impression on me. It was like, yeah that's, this is what I want to do for sure, and I'll figure out a way to make it work with running in the shop. Which, you know, was kind of a rocky transition.

And you know, I had a business partner that had to be okay with me now sharing me with the fire station and a shop. And it was Rocky Road. You know, sometimes it was good, sometimes he'd get tired of it. Right. Which I don't blame him, you know, cuz he probably, you know, felt like, Hey, I'm carrying the load here while you're out having fun being a fireman for two and three days a week.

But and it really wasn't an issue until I went career. Right? Like he had no problem sharing me with ball, you know, the volunteer world, right? Cuz it didn't really, on occasion it did, but very rarely did it interfere with doing that. But you know, ironically enough, the shop, the nature of the work that I do, I think is truly part of if I look back now all these years, it's probably part of the formula for my own resiliency and us having a healthy marriage and still enjoying my job at the fire department, it always gave me something completely to transition away from trauma.

Answering the bell, you know, their adrenaline surges from getting up during the night. Right. Like, it always provided that balance for me. Yeah. During the day because, you know, once our kids were grown, Colette wanted her career back and, you know, she started working again. So for me to go, you know, continue to work my business was super, well, not easy, but it was just, Hey, what, you know, what else am I gonna do here?

So I like to be busy, so, So we were able to continue to do that. But it did, it gave me something, it used an entirely different part of my brain and enabled me to shut off, you know, kind of that primitive brain response and kind of settle into being creative and problem solving and, you know, dealing with people at a different level.

And, you know, you don't really realize that balance, how that actually helps you deal with the trauma that we see, you know, year in, year out. I'm, and I'm thinking maybe you've experienced the same thing, Brent. I would hope.

[00:13:09] Brent Harding: Yeah. Well, and it's one of those things yet you don't appreciate until a little bit afterwards.

But yeah, it's like, and especially the aspect of like you said, using the totally other side of your brain and just having something that's not fire, not emergent Yep. That you're passionate about too. And regardless of whether that's a business or just a hobby, I think that's an important aspect for guys to.

Having their life to be healthy. The other part for me though, is also it's just nice to be an employee. Yeah. You know, like to go to the fire station, this isn't my Yes. My thing as far as like, I don't have to make the big decisions. I just come and do my job and try to be a good employee. I don't have to deal with all the chief stuff, you know?

Oh dude. And that's so nice cuz then cuz on your four off with the business, it's like, that's all on my shoulders dude. And it's so nice to go to the fire station and kind of take a break from that and just come and perform, you know? Oh, there it

[00:13:57] Nate Thompson: goes. Yeah, there's the bell right there. Still has the page.

You're still the page. Still the page. We've come full circle. Clear background. No I totally agree. With that too, Brent, in terms of that ability to using the creative side of the brain is a completely different filling. Right? And so that brought such, I think over the years, just really good balance for me in being able to.

Kind of just decompress from a couple days of intense work, go to the shop, do my thing, and absolutely. Being an entrepreneur and then running a business through, I mean, good heavens, you know, we've been in business for a lot of years through two major recessions through nine 11. I mean two major recessions that we restructured our business twice.

And you know, that doesn't come without some stress as well. So for the first 10 years, 15 years going to Logan Fire, I just got to go be one of the guys and do what I was loving and what a, it was great. Yeah, right. I mean, it was just super, like I, I mean, I was just all in. I could go there and give it my all and I, you know, I didn't have to be the boss.

And you know, that's changed a little bit, but at least early on that was a lot of fun. Yeah.

When

[00:15:07] Kolette Thompson: he did go to those crazy calls, knowing that when he came home that. I just needed to back away and let him process however he needed to process. And that was kind of a weird learning curve for someone who's never had to deal with that before.

I'd be like, what the hell? You know, like, go get your chores done. Go do your honey dos. But then I would be able to like sense it more. So I think like that whole little volunteer time was a time for me to kind of understand. You're crazy when you got home. I'm just teasing. You're, I don't know.

You're processing, I guess is what I'm

[00:15:42] Brent Harding: thinking of. No, it's fair. Well, and I think that's a super valid point because, you know, we've talked about how great it's been. He has the both sides of his brains gone, but really for the spouse, like man, like how hard is it to, you know, he's, and Cause I can just tell you some of the things.

That I've heard. You know, it's always gone, you know, and now, not only with the business where you're gone a lot for that, but fire station, you're gonna be gone, holidays, birthdays, you know, it's just part of the gig. And so how come, maybe I can phrase it this way. How come you guys didn't get into this and then a few years in be like, nah, nevermind, we're not doing that.

You know, pick one or the other, do the business or do the fire, but we can't do both.

[00:16:21] Kolette Thompson: I think even with like the very full schedule. That Nate had and just life being the way it was. We always made time. Whether it was convenient or not, we would have a date night once a week. We would make our relationship like that was also on the importance scale.

Instead of just kind of letting, oh, I'm just too tired, like, we would for sure go do things. Always communication. I don't know, like we just always made time for one another. I don't, because I don't think I could have done it if I was kind of thrown to the Yeah. Side. I was Right. Cause

[00:16:56] Brent Harding: it seems like fire, business, family.

[00:16:58] Kolette Thompson: Right. And I have to say, he's always made me feel like I am the top tier. I still better be the top tier, the top, I don't know, like I was, that was most important to him was family. And then it kind of trickles down through there. But for me, just knowing that he was happy and fulfilled, that is where the support came from.

Like, if I could tell like he didn't like it or if it was just draining, then I think I would've been like, eh, yeah, let's be done.

[00:17:25] Brent Harding: Yeah. So what are some, do you have any specifics on how, you know, cause that's awesome to, I mean, despite the time commitment and all those things, but.

How do you make your family feel important? Because there's no doubt that if you went and asked any firefighter right now, is your family the most important thing to you? Yeah. Everybody would say yes. Yeah, right. But there's a difference between saying that and then the family actually feeling that.

[00:17:48] Nate Thompson: Right. No ex excellent question. And at times I, to be honest, like there's times you feel like you're failing, right? Like, I mean, there'd be times I tell co and I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm a horrible dad. You know, I'm never there for some of this stuff. But when I reflect back, cuz as you guys, you know, as you know, most of my kids are grown now.

My youngest is married, we're empty nesting at this point. And I cannot believe where the time went it, to me, it just seems like it went so fast. But when I reflect I think of like, like Colette said, always time for a date or two ev every week. Family night, movie night. Right. My kids loved that, where we hung out together as a family.

Even if it was just for one evening, they looked forward to it. We made sure that happened. We had a small, you know, we had a fun little boat. It wasn't fancy, but my kids grew up on a boat, so it was in the summertime. We'd do that weekly. We would go to Lake Powell like. We always planned the trips out to make sure there was always that family time and we made sure it was quality time cuz the kids knew I'd be gone for, you know, two and three days at a time and then I'd be back.

Right. That's how they grew up. Knowing that was the pattern and you know, and try to be present because let's be honest day three after a 48 that was, there were times of conflict I feel like for. Clet and I not from her. It was like, you know how it is, dude, you're just kind of numb. I would just be, my brain like wouldn't even function and they're trying to engage you, you know, on, on after a 48 and you're just like, dude, I can't even really think right now.

So we came up with some good formulas for that. So that way I felt like Colette kind of gave me a little buffer there and I felt super lucky and was grateful for that. Right, because cuz there was days I did not want to engage, right? We, and we would talk about it, we learned to talk about, Hey what the hell's going on with you when you come home?

And I'm like, well, here's the reality. Here's how I feel sometimes. And ironically, look, you, I mean, that was really on in our career. And you now we come, you know, we know what's happening on day three, right? Your brain's saturated with, you know, epinephrine and dopamine and everything else, and you just can't.

You, you're just fried, right? Like, and it just takes time for that to wash out and you need good rest. And so gi given me that buffer, then I could come back and be present for those other three nights when I wasn't at the station. And we would try to make sure that those were meaningful times right.

Dinner together and family time. And I really think that the formula's fairly simple. It just had to be we were consistent with time together. So, And if I couldn't make a birthday, we would do it on a different day. Right? Like we would figure it out. Yeah. Yeah. We'd figure

[00:20:27] Kolette Thompson: it out. We would, I would have him call me at least once a day when he's on shift.

Yeah. Just to even let me know kind of what he's been through. Cuz it's almost like giving me a heads up on how to treat him when he gets home. And I'd be like, how's your day? Well, actually I did this. And then I'd be like, oh, okay. He had, and sometimes I'd even tell my kids, okay. Dad's kind of had some really hard calls and he might just need a beat.

I mean, it's harder when they're little, but at least that would give me a heads up. So we had always, even when he was not home, we would touch base once we still do at day. So like, what's going on? Yeah. Sometimes it's not till the end of the day, but hey,

[00:21:06] Brent Harding: well, I think that's huge. Right? And I think that's And maybe it's just me, but it, I think it's easier said than done cuz I feel like myself and at least a few other guys, that's a hard conversation to have.

Like, you don't want to necessarily pass on like, I'm struggling or, I had some stuff today that I don't think I handled very well or whatever,

[00:21:26] Kolette Thompson: but us, us women were pretty tough and we need to know those things. So I don't, you don't have to give us like all the gory details, but Yeah. Yeah, even though I'm, I don't mind if Nate shares that stuff with me.

So I don't know. I think it's important because if not, then the wives don't understand and then they'll be like, why is he being such a dk? You know? And we won't get what has happened beforehand. So I don't know. That's how I feel. I'm pretty sure most women will feel the same.

[00:21:55] Nate Thompson: Well, and you know after, and it's so true, cuz after the years in the fire service, right, whether it be volunteer or.

Career, and I feel like it really started to develop later on in my career after you were doing a job consistently, professionally, you know, day in, day out. I feel like wives, once you're willing to kinda let them, at least give them a code, right? Like, Hey, had a, just had a shitty call. I don't want to talk about this, right?

Like, but yeah, involved the family or kids or whatever, that was enough for her to know, okay, you know, I got it. Because at least then that gives him a reason. Why are you ignoring me? Or why are you not looking at me when I'm talking to you? At least there's that knowledge of like, Hey, it's gonna take a minute.

And I'm not saying that works perfect all the time. Like at times it'd be like, no, I need you to freaking engage. You know, cuz I get, we've got things, you right. We're not the, we're not a perfect couple, right? Like, we go through the same struggles over the years. Everyone else does. But I've tried to listen to those cues of like, Yeah, I need to engage.

Right? And sometimes it's just as simple and I'm not perfect at it. But, you know, we talk about the listening, right? All you have to do is use our active listening skills, even a couple, every once in a while, cuz they're hard to do. Right? Oops. They're hard, they're very difficult to master, we'll call it.

But man, just even paying attention, you know, while she's telling you about her day or. Her frustrations at work, right. We're really good at sharing the frustrations at the firehouse and all the drama and all the calls, but you know, they've got drama and issues too at their work. And so, I'm not great at it, but I've tried over the years and she reminds me, you know, like, Hey, you know, I've got stuff going on too.

It's like, you're right, you do. And so we've tried to do, especially as our kids have gotten older and we have more time together And

[00:23:44] Kolette Thompson: you said that in a way that, I don't know, I'm now I'm nervous. More

[00:23:47] Nate Thompson: time. More time. Even more. There's more time to, to devote to you. Well, we had your,

[00:23:53] Brent Harding: Your BFF Brady on the other day, and one of the things we talked about in that though is that part of preparing for retirement is investing in the people that you're gonna be retiring with.

You know, you spend your whole life devoted to a career, then all of a sudden, You retire and you're with each other way more than you were. Yeah. If you haven't invested in that relationship, that could be a pretty awkward I know people, new relationship to build,

[00:24:15] Kolette Thompson: right? Absolutely. People ask time, they're like how are you doing?

And I'm like, I love it. I love it. Like, I know that might be sickening to some people, but we've had, we've always loved spending time together. You know, hands like we go on trips or dates and our kids have seen us do all of these things. We like to spend time together, so. As soon as they got the kids out, it was great.

We're,

[00:24:36] Brent Harding: we're great. Yeah.

[00:24:37] Nate Thompson: Couldn't wait for the kids to get out. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm glad you brought that up with what Brady said, because as you know, as you get later on in the career, your cup fills a little bit more and you feel it, and you can sense it that you need to take the break. Right.

And I feel like later on even though over the last 10 years, Collet and I have noticed when, Hey, it's time to take a break. I gotta T the time out. You know, let's go camping. Let's go to Jackson, let's go to Vegas, let's go to Montana. Right? It doesn't really matter where we go together. The break, to me, it's a.

It is a key part of the formula for keeping the relationship saucy and spicy. Right. Like get away together and it's, you know, and by the

[00:25:21] Kolette Thompson: way, it is not easy with kids to do it. No. But you just have to do it. Yeah. And even though sometimes I didn't wanna leave my kids with my mother-in-law or whatever, you still need to do it.

And I think it's important for your kids to see too. I just think it's important for your kids to know that. You guys, like, I don't know that we mean something to each other, so I don't know. Yeah.

[00:25:43] Brent Harding: How is, what kind of feedback have you gotten from your kids about the career and about the life? They kind of grew up now that they've kind of all starting to develop their own lives,

[00:25:52] Kolette Thompson: but we, I actually asked them, like I, I said, so I said, now that you guys are grown, like, did it affect you when like your dad was gone for 40 and they're like, No, it's just like, that's just how it was.

That's just what it was. And like some of their best memories are me holding them in my bedroom on Christmas Eve, like Christmas morning waiting for an Nate to get home so we can open presents. You know what I mean? Like, I don't know. I think kids are pretty resilient. Ours, like they just, that's just how they grew up.

That's just how it was. So when they would talk to their friends, they thought it was weird that it's just how it was. I have pictures of my kids. Standing up against a window waiting for, you know, dad to get home. So it's just how it was.

[00:26:36] Brent Harding: I think. That's awesome. How did it change from younger kids to like teenagers there a big difference there and how they kind of handled the fire life?

Or was it fairly basically the same thing, just different day.

[00:26:48] Kolette Thompson: I think as they get older, they're a little more mature to handle like, You know, before, you know, dad needs a little bit of rest and now you're like, oh, he kind of went on a really terrible call and you just, so I think they became a little more, I don't know, sensitive to like your situations that you'd been in.

I don't think it would be interesting. I don't know. They've never said they've had resentment or anything like that.

[00:27:12] Nate Thompson: Well, when they were little, you know, I mean, like I said, you'd try to make sure. Well, I'd try to make sure that I was there and present, right. Whether it's, you know, piggyback rides or wrestling with the boys or playing catch or going to their ball games, you know, lacrosse, baseball, basketball, dance.

Any mean? Dance, like, I mean, I, you know, so many things we all get Yeah. We had so many things anymore. Right. And we were no different. And when they were little, it was important that I tried to get there. Right? And if I couldn't be there on a Saturday for a ball game, Colette would ensure she was, and they'd say, Hey bud, sorry.

You know, dad's. Dad's at the station today, so he'll, you know, he'll be ni here next week. Right. So we just communicate with them and I think they did okay. Right. They've never come out and said, yeah, you never were there for me. You know, which was always a fear, like as a parent you always like, oh yeah, that's a real, oh shit.

[00:27:58] Kolette Thompson: You know, Nate would terrible ask me all the time, you know? Yeah. But they, no, and I think also we'd go to the station a lot so they could see like, yeah, it was when they middle That's right. Serious business. And they'd see him leave on like import, like. I don't

[00:28:11] Nate Thompson: know. They just, yeah, when they were little, we did the, them coming, the station life was a big part for them.

They could come and hang out and, you know, we'd, you know, we'd check out an engine and slide the pole, you know, and hang out and do whatever. And then

so

[00:28:24] Kolette Thompson: we made them feel the boot too. Like every Yeah. So they felt a part of the fire station as well. Like the fire family. Well,

[00:28:33] Nate Thompson: and what an interesting one that one is, right?

Like I never, I. It never dawned on me what an impact that was on my young children for service. Fill the boot, the breakfast. Yep. The MDA breakfast that Mike Porter would always spearhead and you know, it was always the funny thing, right? Cuz old Mikey was, you know, so anti-union, but man, did he do an MDA breakfast, right?

Like, just super passionate about it. And my kids caught that passion early on. And as they grew up as young kids where they could help with just passing out drinks. It became a, Hey, are we doing that breakfast when they were teenagers? Are we doing the walk? Bailey walked did the parade walk with me up until she was a, you know, late teen.

My kids helped at the MDA breakfast every year for probably 10 or 12 years. Right. So it was a huge impact. So you never know how those things, like that was part of the whole big family thing. Right. They felt part of what the fire culture was. The big fire family. But it was also us being together as well.

So, that was one that transitioned from little kids into teens. And then I would say as they transitioned into teenagers, they're like most other teens, right? Like, you know, they would and they're like, have their not, you know, they have their own lives. They're gonna go hang out with their friends or do their thing as teenagers do.

But I still think they would look forward to the trips, right. To Disney World or Lake Powell or wherever we were going. The family trip was still a big deal to them, even as teenagers. Yeah. Yeah. So

[00:29:59] Brent Harding: I think that's great. And you brought up a little bit, but I'd like to talk more about the fire family.

How much did that impact? Kind of, you know, they say it takes a village, but I think probably takes double the village as a firefighter, like just being. You know, and I know you guys have some great close friends in the fire service and yeah. How much did that help throughout the years having those close friends, other fire wives and helped trips together and

[00:30:21] Kolette Thompson: helped?

Always, and I have never felt like I couldn't call any one of 'em for anything like it, it still happens now. I'll be like, Casey help. I've got a sprinkler spurting out everywhere, and Nate's on a call and then they would come or I would have. Chad Griffin would come and pull a stump out or like anything that would go wrong, like when Nate, which always does PS when Nate is gone.

I would never hesitate or like to talk to a wife about Nate Drive me crazy or the fire like everyone is, was really great. They still are great. It's a little bit different now that we're. Older, I don't know, but we still are like good friends with the ones we kind of grew up in the

[00:31:02] Nate Thompson: fire. Oh yeah.

I mean, fire family to me is huge. Like, I don't think I could overstate the significance of that for my, I feel like for my wellness, still in the fire service. We made it a point they are family. You know, and it's so funny, I think it's like yesterday, you know, John Fullmer and Brian Davies.

Once, once I had all my cert certifications flashing back now to, you know, two thou about year 2000. You know, anytime I saw Davies or former, like, Hey, you know, when are you gonna come to Logan? You know? And at that point I was like, wow, these guys actually know who I am. And man, it kind of makes me feel neat.

Well, fat, you know, you fast forward what is that now? 23 years? You know, our little gathering, you know, we just had a little quick barbecue the other night. You know, beer ride comes, you know, look at all the things that have changed you know, has a new wife, he's happy. And to me, I can be around Brian.

It's like we haven't skipped a beat, even though we may not hang out all the time. I just it's family for me. You know, when Rhett comes back from Texas, he and I don't talk a ton, but when we do, it's like we're brothers that haven't just hung out for a couple years cuz we live in different states.

[00:32:10] Kolette Thompson: Same with like Ken Matthews and Tanya. Like I won't see him like all year round, but we'll go to the Christmas party and it's. Yeah.

[00:32:17] Nate Thompson: Yeah. It's like, it's it's incredible. As I think of those friends and you know, everyone as you grow, sometimes it's interesting to watch because as your families grow and you do different things you have different likes and dislike.

Like, we're not big snow skiers, so some people go do that. We don't care about that, you know, but we like to, for years we'd go to the lake and boat and we had friends that liked to go do that. But at the end of the day, when it comes down to. That, that circle of friends, I mean, I attribute a ton of that time spent with them, high quality time doing fun things wherever it be as part of that.

And like Colette said, I mean my friend, I mean, I've still got a really strong group of friends with that, you know, with as couples that we have just a blast together and it's so important. Well,

[00:33:06] Kolette Thompson: cuz they have your same interests, like, well, they're going through the same thing. Like, I can talk to Heather about, Ugh.

All the things that drive me crazy or whatever in the fire station, she understands, but she doesn't judge, and I feel like I'm, I don't know. We just, we get it, I

[00:33:22] Brent Harding: guess. Yeah. Yeah. I think, you know, and I can vouch for this, but current recent conversations at the kitchen table, at the fire station are.

Guys are jealous of the Thompson family and the relationships that you have. Right. And so, especially some of the newer guys, they look at that and it's like, man, that'd be so cool to have that. You know? And so I guess what would be your advice to somebody that's looking to start establishing some of those relationships?

Because if you wait around for them to happen, sometimes it takes way longer than it should. And so what do you do? Don't to start beginning

[00:33:53] Kolette Thompson: that you know you're gonna, I'm gonna be spending the rest of. You know, my old age life, not yet, but with Nate. So I'm glad that we have a relationship that we started long ago and it's, it always takes work.

It's not like it's all perfect all the time. He makes me mad. I'm sure I make him mad. Communication, find things to do together. It doesn't matter what we love to travel. We love to. We like to just sit at home and watch Vikings on tv. We don't care as long as it's time spent together. I think this is not to say when he was a shift worker, I sure did like those.

Two days on, I'm like, okay, good. I

[00:34:33] Nate Thompson: cannot take a breath. There it is. There's the truth night. Now we're getting

[00:34:38] Kolette Thompson: somewhere. Every wife is probably like, ugh. It's like, oh, good cereal nights, and that's what we're having for dinner. And I'll have to, I can do what I want. No,

[00:34:46] Nate Thompson: You can joke about it.

It's true. But as a fire, a new fire family is kids are just trying to figure out this career. It's gonna be hard when the hubby's not there. The wife's not there while they're on shift. Right. Especially when you have little kids. But as they grow, learn to use that time. As your time. And I used to be all, I'd get all mad and I was like, this is great.

You have your time to be you get to do the things you enjoy. Cuz I'm gonna come home for four and it's gonna be back to what you know I need and my needs. And our needs, right. For those two days, you know, enjoy yourself, do your thing, hang out with the girls. Go do whatever you're gonna do. I don't care, you know?

But

[00:35:25] Kolette Thompson: of course this is after the kids are grown because during

[00:35:28] Nate Thompson: that time it's just, yeah, when they're little it's hard. Abso, that is a very challenging time on, on marriages for

[00:35:34] Brent Harding: sure. Well, I have specific instruction for my boys when I go on shift is that there's no fun while I'm gone. Don't do anything monumental.

Like everything has to wait till I get back. And then when I get home, they love to tell me about all the movie parties they had and we had so much fun

[00:35:49] Nate Thompson: without you. Well, and you know, along those lines too, Brent, like with your question about, Hey, what is it? Well, I, sometimes I wonder what it is, but.

Of what this, I don't know. I mean, we've got this pretty awesome relationship, but Colette nailed it. We have to make the effort you have to make the effort to do a gathering, right? There are a lot of work. I mean, you do it all the time here at the studio. That doesn't come with, without a lot of preparation and willingness to say, Hey.

We're having a barbecue or hey we're, you know, we're gonna go to Vegas this weekend, or we're gonna go to window, we're gonna go to a concert in Salt Lake, you know, and we try to always make sure people are invited and we go. But it takes effort for sure. Cuz sometimes you're like, I'm too damn tired to do that.

I don't wanna do that, but we're gonna do it and it'll be super

[00:36:33] Kolette Thompson: fun. Nate, Nate always, that's, it's always super fun. Not Colette. That's Nate's comment to me all the time cuz I'm more like and then Nate will push me to do things that are probably not in my comfort zone. I'd probably be just a homebody.

But I'm always glad that he does.

[00:36:47] Brent Harding: Yeah, it seems like every friend group, somebody has to be the initiator, right? And you have people that sit around getting offended cuz they, but they also never initiate anything. So it's like somebody needs to start, ask, start, go to the concert, whatever. And I think that's perfect because if you gotta be willing to initiate stuff and then, you know, and then it always comes around to develop those friendships, I think.

And yeah, on

[00:37:10] Kolette Thompson: that same note, like. I don't always wanna do what Nate wants to do all the time. Like sometimes I wanna do what I want to do. Yeah. So there gotta be give and take a little bit. Yeah. Nate always wants to go to the beach. Let's go to the beach. And I love it. But I made him go to Ireland and he wasn't so sure, but it was like his favorite thing.

So, I'm just saying like, you guys, that sounds

[00:37:32] Brent Harding: rough

[00:37:32] Nate Thompson: going on. Well, I know. And it seems weird that I was like, yeah, but they don't have nice beaches where I can lay in the sand in October, but what an incre. Like, I mean, that's what that, that willingness, right, like I had to finally say, okay, you know, let's do what you would like to do, you know?

And but man, was it like she knew, right? Like it was probably one of the most incredible experiences we've had. Yep. She got to fulfill her. Her dream of turning 30. Well, yeah, it's fine. I'm

[00:38:01] Kolette Thompson: 50,

[00:38:02] Nate Thompson: you know, and she got suspended in an Irish pub, you know, and sweet and experience all the things that an Irish pub has to offer.

And on her 50th birthday that's what she'd wanted forever. And you know, our friend groups, I mean her girlfriends and our friends, we made sure that happened. And I am, you know, I am forever grateful. Like it was awesome.

[00:38:22] Kolette Thompson: Like, do I love windover?

[00:38:24] Nate Thompson: No, not a whole lot. No. It's like a two out of 10

[00:38:28] Kolette Thompson: for both, but I'll go because it's fun to spend time with Nate, but I'll also let him like do his thing and then we'll go back to the room and just be like, okay, we're done.

Yeah.

[00:38:36] Nate Thompson: Well, if there's a concert it makes it much, much more enjoyable. Yes. But, you know, yeah. I mean, our thing, I mean here again, emptying the cup, you know, for me, oceans and Beaches and Lake Powell water, I mean, that's all, that's just really been my formula. For the healing, you know? And of course, Brady, you know, runs rivers up in Wyoming and this, I mean, and that is just, I mean, that's amazing.

That's a whole different experience in water of course, but with its nature it's, you know, it's exciting and and

[00:39:05] Kolette Thompson: everyone's escapes might look very different. Yeah. Yeah, again, like we, like even staying home, like yeah.

[00:39:12] Nate Thompson: Just doing nothing. Yeah. And I think that'd be my advice. Find your thing. Yeah.

It doesn't have to be beaches, it doesn't have to be Ireland. It certainly doesn't have to be windover or concerts, but certainly find your thing. And I think people are working harder at trying to find what they're. You know what their happy is. And when we

[00:39:31] Kolette Thompson: had little kids, you're just in it. So we even just going out to dinner or Yeah.

Going to Sam's Club together. I don't really

[00:39:39] Brent Harding: care. Like Chili's, four month old. Sometimes it's just Walmart for us. Yeah. It's just you and me. Walmart. And we're gonna have a great time. Yep. Because it's just us, you know?

[00:39:47] Kolette Thompson: But it doesn't matter cuz you're, that's the point is just time. Just time. Yeah.

[00:39:51] Nate Thompson: Well, and you gotta keep in mind too, right?

Time flies. My little girl was the same as your little guy. I had a two hour window so Colette could go shopping and it took two hours for her to figure out how that Colette was gone. And that was it. It was screaming bloody terror for, it was probably a six or eighth month window and, you know, and then that passed, you know, and then now she's an awesome little grown lady and I can't believe that it's gone that long, but, Everyone goes through that.

But keep in mind that would be my one thing to younger families, the time flies. So absolutely cherish the time cuz dude, it, I mean, it'll be a blink in the eye. I mean, I had my five years at Logan so fast. I was like, what just happened? And then 10 years, and now all my kids were turning teenagers and I was like, oh my gosh.

And now I look back, you know, 20 plus and they're all grown adults and I'm just, we're just super lucky and grateful that they're, Hey, we've got good, healthy kids. They're not perfect kids. But they're awesome who are, and just like, we're not perfect, right? But we work constantly on our marriage and being couples and listening to each other and enjoying the time cuz man it's.

It's amazing how fast time goes. And I think you just gotta be grateful, dude, for every day, even though some days suck, you know? Yeah.

[00:41:14] Brent Harding: Well, and something I've picked up on a lot from what you guys have been saying tonight is is quality over quantity. Absolutely. You know, and I think sometimes we get too caught up in the quantity, oh, I missed this, or, I wasn't there for that. But it seems like from what you've said is. By the end, or once they start growing up and getting older, it's those quality moments they had that will mean way more to them than the quantity of you being around.

And so that's certainly something I'm taking away from dude from tonight, but No, absolutely. Just as we wrap up here, just kind of one more thing I'd like to end on and kind of, Touch on it. And it's something I heard the other day is that parenting and partnering is like 99% repair work.

Like, how good are you at repairing? Because it's not ever gonna go as you think or as you plan, or there's always things that you're find yourself repairing. And so I, the question is kind of how did you guys learn and how do you resolve conflict or that repair work today versus. Back in 1991, was it 91 or 92?

I cant remember. Nate, like how has that evolved over your relationship? I'm gonna take this.

[00:42:20] Kolette Thompson: Yeah. So Nate, I don't know if this is a fireman thing or what, but he would just like keep it all inside. Like even if we, like if we had a fight, you'd just like be silent and I am not that person. I cannot go to bed until it's freaking talked about whether I don't even care, like.

I'd text him. What are you gonna say? Anything like, what the hell? Like, I just would want him to, I don't know. I would wanna talk it out until it felt okay. I think, I mean, there's a handful of times maybe that we went to bed like, cuz I just didn't wanna deal with it and just roll over and leave me alone and go wanna talk to you.

But for the most part, I felt like I would have to, I don't know. I felt like I was the initiator of. You mean early on the top? No, sometimes now. Oh,

[00:43:07] Nate Thompson: well, it says I've got some more work to do, Brent.

[00:43:10] Kolette Thompson: No, I just I'm I think Nate can probably like, think about it longer. I cannot, like, I just, I don't enjoy conflict.

I need it to be hashed out, so I don't know.

[00:43:21] Brent Harding: There, there's I think you're right. Cause I, I think my wife would say the exact same thing. Like, I'm super silent and I'll just, like, I don't wanna say anything until I've thought about it for a long time and sometimes that's super frustrating for her that she's ready to talk about it right now.

And I'm like, yeah, just tell me whatever you want to say, but I'm not gonna respond until, well,

[00:43:39] Nate Thompson: tomorrow or wherever. But, and I would say, I mean, if we're con comparing all those years, right? Like the repair The conflict and the conflict resolution. I think early on you're super headstrong and selfish, right?

When you're first married. And so obviously I'm right all the time, right As we all think we are, you know, and I mean, in your mind you're like, well, I'm right. You know, why are you arguing with me? Like this is weird? And then you learn right through maturing and just the process of, yeah, I feel like you just get more wisdom as you go on.

You realize, Well, I think I'm right all the time, but I'm certainly not and my spouse is super smart and super logical. You know, collect can be stubborn, so can I. We know, we both know we're stubborn. And I think early on I would think I was right and I would go quiet, just like she said. I'd be like, well, I'm not gonna talk about this.

Well, I learned to really love and appreciate her way of conflict resolution throughout. Our marriage because I started to learn like it actually is kind of nice to just get this out on the table and then we're done with it. And that has been another thing is I feel like we can be mad at each other.

And typically if we're done with an argument, we make sure it's done. We don't carry it into the next day. There's been a couple here and there that were probably doozies just like every other couple that we allowed, but typically it's a pretty early forgive and forget, let's talk about it and be done with it.

Let's not go to bed mad, be done with it. We haven't done, you know, perfectly with that, but I would say as the years have gone, we've gotten better and better with it. Yeah. Faster and faster at that. Yes. Just, yeah. Be like, that's great. You know what? This one's not worth it, honey, you are right on this one.

And I'm sorry. And you know, and we're good.

[00:45:22] Kolette Thompson: No, I, communication is just huge. I sometimes, like even just thinking like, okay, I, I'm trying to see it from Nate's point of view. It might not make perfect sense to me, but. You kind of have to respect each other's opinions too. I don't know. I we are not perfect PS by the way.

We have disagreements too, but yeah, I don't, I just like to talk it out whether he wants to or not. Yeah.

[00:45:49] Nate Thompson: I think it's a good, and it's a good thing to know that, like, look I'm st everyone people know me. You know, I can be stubborn and I tend to be super you know, I dunno what the right word is in terms of You know, I, I really try to be, you know, try to convince people, you know, I try to give them information on why I think maybe, Hey, this is why I think it's the right way, or, you know, this is maybe the right decision for us.

But, you know, Colette's, she's stubborn too, like I said. Right? And so we've learned to be able to navigate that throughout the years and knowing that about each other and knowing when to say when, right? Like, hey, It's good, you know. It's okay.

[00:46:28] Brent Harding: So is that. Had to have changed a little bit though after you became chief, right?

Because now you can remind her who you are. I am Chief Nate

[00:46:36] Nate Thompson: Thompson. Just kidding. Yeah, that probably works. Let me play that card at home. That will get me really far.

[00:46:42] Kolette Thompson: You think that's a joke? Every time I'm like telling me he's a bad driver. Well, do you have your,

[00:46:46] Nate Thompson: I play the engineer card more than any card ever.

There we go. I remind her that I do have a you know, a class B license, commercial driver's license. So, and no tickets. And then

[00:46:57] Brent Harding: she has no choice but to respect, right?

[00:46:59] Nate Thompson: None. Yeah. No, no tickets, no moving violations. So just allow me to drive. Yeah, exactly. Perfect.

[00:47:06] Kolette Thompson: No, I think Nate and I's personalities.

We, we kind of compliment each other. I'm a little high strung and crazy and he is, I know, I don't know if. He's this way at the station, but he is more calm and lo I don't know, logical and will get me a little, I don't know, we just kind of mesh well. We're very, we're different, but kind of the same. I don't know.

[00:47:26] Nate Thompson: Yeah. And, you know, and you mentioned it you know, we joke about that transition to chief, but even as a battalion chief, you're still on shift work and so she still had her time, right? We, it was still for her. The different job I was doing, the schedule was the same. So for us in the formula we had built in being, I feel like successful in dealing with conflict and fi, you know, just getting along well and knowing when we needed to take breaks.

Now all of a sudden I'm back to days. So it was like going back now we're going back 20 plus years back when I worked at the shop all day long. So, I love it. Yeah, and it's still a lot because now we're back and I'll tell you what it's done for me the regular sleep at night regardless, cuz you know, I take I cover.

Seven, seven on a shift. And so I listen to the pager with the guys, make sure I'm aware, but it's different. I'm at home, right? I can roll over, oh, it's not a fire, it's not a big event. I'll roll over and go back to bed. And it's changed my productivity. I feel like my I can engage daily with Glen and make sure I'm present on a, that's true on a daily basis.

You know, whether it's just our brief little encounters in the morning before we both leave to work. Just let each other know that, hey, I see you, you know, and we'll see you later.

[00:48:38] Brent Harding: Yeah, I think that's perfect and a great way to, to end cuz I, I think You know, you pointed out that you both recognize that maybe yeah, we can both be a little stubborn, but also I think that statement you just said of just that constant icu Yeah.

And also, you know, you guys have both complimented each other well on, on what you guys do well and I I think we probably don't do that often enough, but like, a few days ago I just told my wife that you know, I love watching you read to our boys. Yeah. Cause you get so into it and they love it, you know, and sometimes you think I, oh, she has to know.

Right. But just vocalizing that and letting her know that I see you doing this and I think it's great. You're a great mom. You know, I think that can go a long way and especially when I'm not there. Right. But when I am there to let her know, these are the things I see

[00:49:23] Kolette Thompson: and that you appreciate and that's great.

Yep.

[00:49:25] Nate Thompson: Dude, I love it. And that is a. Perfect Part of the formula right there is even, it's the little things, reading to the kids, you know, recognizing, you know, clay is an amazing she takes such great care of me, right? She takes, you know, cleans my clothes and they're always nice and ready to go, and in return I try to take care of the yard and keep the garage clean.

Like we've found these little roles, and I'm not saying, I mean, they're, they happen for us. They happen to be, they were very traditional roles. In our house. But I'm not saying that's the formula for everybody, right? You just have to find the formula. And for us, that's what works. I enjoy taking care of the yard, I enjoy doing the handyman stuff.

And Colette's awesome at taking care of a house. And she's, I mean, that's probably part of our formula, to be totally honest. That's, we've just had our roles that we've worked out together.

[00:50:15] Kolette Thompson: There's gotta be give and take. There's gotta be, it's gotta be 50 50. It's a partnership and. Yeah. Like it can't just be us, you know, pandering to all your fireman issues.

We have issues too.

[00:50:27] Nate Thompson: So, yeah, we do. But, and you know, for me too it always helps too because, you know, my wife's smoking hot and you know, I've been married to her for 30 plus years and good luck. You know, the romance is still alive and well, which is another huge part of the formula. You gotta keep the romance rolling.

Yeah. Gotta get sexy. Well,

[00:50:47] Brent Harding: we don't do those kind of podcasts here, but just kidding.

[00:50:50] Nate Thompson: We'll do the other podcast later for our separate account.

[00:50:54] Brent Harding: We can get into no, that's pilot. But thank you guys both so much for being here today. I know you're both super busy and just taking the time to, to share this I know it goes a long way with those listening in and the ripple effect is huge.

You know, as we just learned from our recent. Reno conference, but you know, these little things go a long way and especially for people that are just starting, like you guys were way back in. Yep. 95. Yeah, absolutely. With the career. Geez. There's a lot to figure out and it's a lot. And this just goes a long way to, to help people get over that initial hump.

I think. So thanks so much and we'll catch you on

[00:51:26] Nate Thompson: the next one. You betcha. It was absolutely our pleasure. Thanks. Thanks, Brent.